Comments on: What NOT to Do About Roommate Problems

By: Monica

Monica — Sat, 11 Dec 2010 03:59:31 +0000

I dorm with my best friend of four years. We both have boyfriends and when hes around we leave the room because she’s usually sleeping, and when he is there we make it awkward for her. But with her and her boyfriend they are always kissing and making it awkward for me and the time I ask her and him to leave so I can study she gets an attitude and storms off. She also likes involving people to the situation and she doesn’t talk about it with me so what can I do?

By: Jamie

Jamie — Wed, 11 Aug 2010 14:43:15 +0000

@Lucy: That is such a tough situation–I’m impressed that you both were able to deal with it so maturely. Thanks for sharing your story and encouraging your fellow readers!

By: Lucy

Lucy — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 20:41:21 +0000

I had problems when my roommate got a new boyfriend. He was always over and they were big on PDA. The thing is, he had his own dorm which was in the hall right next to ours. I didn’t understand why they never went over there. Even though we each have our own room, we share a kitchen and bathroom and the walls are super thin. When he took a shower in ours instead of his and it made me late and I ended up having to go without a shower to get to where I needed to be I reached past the point of ticked. I agreed to share the dorm with my roomie not with my roomie and her boytoy. The dorm was built to barely contain 2 people, not 3! So, I finally had a talk with my roommate. It was really awkward and I hated every minute of it but she really took it well and has made efforts to curb the amount of time her boyfriend is over. All I can say is that talking is extremely important but in the end you have to decide what you can live. If you can’t deal with your roommate or they refuse to make necessary changes you should choose a new roommate.

By: Jelina Dsouza

Jelina Dsouza — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 06:26:06 +0000

hi, I have this insane roommate who is a bit paranoid ..loves to make a scene out of every situautiion and has no work in this world other than cursing her parents, and talkin all the shit with her boyfriend that too loudly even if everybody is there she constantly goes on talking bout her boyfriend with us and keeps on trying to know what is going in our lives even if we are least interested in telling. My one more roommate and she constantly keep on gossiping and tell badd stuff about us to each other.she’ll keep on just reminding me of the things she did for me.
Please tell me what should I do. I have no alternative but to live with her…:(..HOw should I handle such girl and manage my studies…

By: ivy

ivy — Sun, 22 Feb 2009 04:32:02 +0000

unless you just have roomates/housemates that totally dont care about other people. in that case, nothing would change and dont expect miracle to happen.
my advice is that; if you feel like your roomates are not going to make compromises no matter how many times you guys talk about those issues, drop the idea of changing them and get other ppl to live with you
dont waste your time!

By: Jamie

Jamie — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 20:52:02 +0000

@ Julie: That is a great point. A sense of humor definitely goes a long way–you just have to make sure you find a roommate with one, too!

By: Julie N

Julie N — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 22:16:39 +0000

All of these are really good tips. The one I could have employed the most is #2: Don’t avoid the issue. A lot of people, myself included, don’t like confrontation. Most of the time, we figure that things will just work themselves out on their own. When it comes to roommates, chances are that if you wait for things to work themselves out, you’ll still have the original problem plus a few more to deal with. Your best bet to to tackle each problem as it comes up instead of waiting until there are so many problems that they become insurmountable.
If I were to add one, it would be “do not forget to have a sense of humor.” Most of our conflicts aren’t do or die situations, so if you can tease, poke, giggle and prod your roommate about the problem, you still may not be able to get what you want but at least it won’t all blow up in your face.

By: Jamie

Jamie — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 15:35:35 +0000

@ Liz: That is a REALLY weird and uncomfortable situation, and I’m sorry you’re even having to deal with this! Unfortunately, since you can’t read your future roommate’s mind, it looks like you’re going to have to talk it out. I’d suggest an email—or even a phone call, since it might be easier to get this fixed if you can hear each other’s intonations—explaining to your roommate that you didn’t mean to offend her and asking what you did that upset her.

It’s not the most comfortable solution, but after some pretty rocky months with my roommate, I’m a big believer in discussing the situation head on—you don’t want to end up with this icy, grumpy roommate all year.

Also—and this might be even harder—try to be patient (not defensive) and really listen to her side, and address her concerns calmly. Again, tough to do when someone is telling you you’re stupid or whatever, but usually if one of you keeps cool it helps you actually resolve the issue.

By: Liz

Liz — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 12:47:44 +0000

I haven’t met my roommate yet, but we’ve been emailing back and forth for several weeks now, and things were going great until this morning. She sent me this really cold and antagonistic email out of the blue, calling me stupid and uneducated for starters, and I really don’t know how to respond. I have no idea what I did or said to get this email in reponse. Any ideas? I’m really stuck.

By: Jamie

Jamie — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 00:11:48 +0000

@ Kayla: There are some rare cases where you have a BAD situation, but for the most part roommates tend to get along–and you only have to live together for a few months. Remember, you can always switch if you have a bad roommate!

Good luck @ University!