Posts filed under 'homesickness'
Fighting off homesickness is often one of the biggest challenges of moving away from home-especially your first year of college-which is why I’ve written a couple of articles about how to deal with it already (see the first one here and the second one here). So if you’re feeling a little out of your element, or just missing your summer crush, here are a few ideas to help you out of the slump:
1. Connect
Meeting new people in college can make a huge difference in your comfort level-a friendly face in the caf or having someone to talk to in class really takes the edge off a bad day. Wondering how to go about forming these connections? Check out my past post about how to meet people in college.
2. Reconnect
Moving away from home doesn’t mean you have to cut all ties with your family & friends. It seems like every day there are new ways to keep in touch. You’re undoubtedly IMing and emailing already, and I’ve suggested phone calls, a group blog, and text/pix messaging before, but why stop there?
Keep your friends updated (and keep up on their news) in real time with Twitter, connect with groups & old friends on Facebook, and if you just need to see a friendly face, try using Skype to make free video calls from your computer.
3. Make Yourself at Home
Feeling out of place in your new environment usually makes homesickness worse, so try to make your dorm room “home” ASAP. Make your side of the room your own with familiar photos, bedding, and knick-knacks, and try to learn your way around campus so it feels natural for you to be there. (Check out my post about dorm décor on the cheap for inspiration!)
4. Journal
It’s perfectly normal to feel some apprehension or loneliness when you find yourself in such a brand-new situation, but that doesn’t mean you’re itching to spill your sorrows to your roommate. If you’re too shy or uncomfortable to talk about missing home, don’t bottle it up! Get your feelings out on paper (or computer screen) by keeping an informal journal. You don’t even have to keep what you’ve written-sometimes writing just helps you get it out of your system.
If you aren’t the paper-and-pen type, try Xanga, Blogger, Wordpress, or LiveJournal-you can make all of them private if you want to.
5. Plan a Party
Having trouble meeting people or getting enough interaction with your peers? Plan a party! (Not only will it help you meet people, the planning process will keep your mind occupied during quiet hours). It can be anything from the traditional definition to a casual movie night or a screening of the season premiere of your favorite show. Your campus should have space available for you to reserve, or you can talk to your RA about using a common area in the dorms (they could probably help you publicize it, too).
Make sure the word gets out via email, posters around campus, Facebook, Twitter, etc. (and if you can, get people to bring food)!
photo: dear memories 2 by lusi
September 8th, 2008
I tried to write a detailed post this morning about how to cope with trouble back home while you are away at school, but I struggled to really put into words what it feels like, how much it hurts, and how to cope with it.
Two years ago this week, I was preparing for finals as my dad prepared to go into a surgery that we hoped would remove all traces of cancer from his body. Though I took all my finals and my dad made it safely through surgery, the weeks leading up to those days—and the months of hospitalizations, chemotherapy, and pain that my dad experienced afterward—were some of the hardest of my life.
Though its hard to give good general advice when everyone copes differently, there are a few things you should know if you find yourself in this situation:
- Know Your Limits. You need to decide how much you will struggle in school based on whatever is going on with your family or friend. Decide if you think you can make it through the quarter/semester, or if this is such an extreme situation that you need to drop a class or take a break from school. Talk to a parent or adult that you trust to help you make this decision.
- Tell Your Professors and/or Employer. Don’t feel like it is a cop-out to explain your personal situation to your professors and/or employer. Your professor may be able to offer you additional help, or refer you to someone who can tutor you if you find yourself struggling to keep up in class. Your employer needs to understand your situation because he/she may notice a change in your mood, and because you may need time off to visit home.
- Search Out Support. The best support I got was from a friend who had been through a similar situation—he was able to help me understand that my feelings were normal, and was empathetic. You should also find out what your school has to offer. UCSD’s Student Health Services offered free sessions with a psychologist to all students, and also had student support groups for all different kinds of issues.
- Reach Out to Others. One thing that is almost guaranteed to lift your spirits is to focus on helping other people instead of on your own worries. I made a lot of phone calls to my mom to cheer her up, and they cheered me up, too. Don’t feel that you have to help just one person or that you have to do a lot of big things—small, random acts of kindness to others will help you get outside your own pain, and even a small break from worrying is worth the effort.
- Rest and Nourish. The health of your body affects your emotional state—you are much more likely to feel sad or fearful if you are tired. Worry, fear, and depression all take a lot out of you, so take good care of your body. Pay attention to what you eat, and try to keep eating healthily and on a regular basis. Also, understand that you might need more rest during stressful times—you might need to go to bed earlier or take a nap.
Remember, everyone copes in different ways. My younger brother couldn’t stand to go visit my dad in the hospital—it was just too painful for him. I was on the opposite side of the spectrum, and only felt good when I was sitting by Dad’s bed in the hospital.
If you have been through something like this, I encourage you to leave thoughts, ideas, and experiences in comments for your fellow readers—it really helps to know you’re not alone.
Photo: together by scol22
December 10th, 2007
A couple posts ago I gave you some tips about how to get through homesickness in college. I hope they’re helping you, and today I have a few more ways you can give yourself a happiness boost when you’re feeling lonely.
- Hang Around on Weekends
You might be wondering how not going
home can help you get over homesickness, but it really can make a difference. Most of the major socializing in college goes on over the weekend, so by going home to visit you miss out on hanging out with people you meet on campus during the week. I had a really hard time being away from home, so I made myself a promise not to go home until Thanksgiving—it gave me time to adjust to being away from Mom & Dad, and helped get me motivated to meet new people so I would have something to do on the weekend.
- Ask for (or Send!) a Care Package
If there is something you really miss from home—Mom’s chocolate chip cookies, your vintage Converse, or a blanket your best friend made you—ask someone to send it out to you. Why would I suggest sending care packages yourself? My mom sent me a box every finals week, and quite a few in between, so one time I returned the favor and sent her one—she loved it. Working to make someone else happy is one of the very best ways to make yourself feel better. It helps you focus on something other than feeling sad, and it can be pretty fun getting creative enough to put together a box on a college budget.
- Invite Someone from Home to Visit
This one is a double-whammy. Inviting someone to visit not only gets you some quality time with someone you miss from home—a boyfriend/girlfriend, relative, or friend—but also helps you get excited about sharing your new life with them. Spend some time thinking about the cool things you want to show them–like your dorm room, the best place to get Mexican food at 2 a.m., some weird sculpture in the art department, or the best view in the city.
Have more suggestions? I’d love to hear them! Email me at questions@survivingcollegelife.com with your suggestions or questions, or leave a comment below!
October 2nd, 2007
Feeling a little homesick? Yeah. That’s normal. Even if you’re really enjoying life on your own, there can still be days where you feel a bit down or out of place. My first year I had a couple bouts of homesickness. I wasn’t sure if my roommate liked me, and even though my best friend from high school lived one floor above me, she decided she wanted to make new friends and not hold on to high school relationships. So I felt pretty lonely at first.
Living away from home is definitely an adjustment—sometimes a hard one—but it gets easier as you get more involved with your new life. In the mean time, though, here are a few things that made me feel better:
- Pictures from Home
In addition to having some framed photos on my desk, I plastered a huge collage of pictures of my friends, family, and even my dogs on the wall over my bed. I added to it magazine clippings, movie tickets, and anything else that made me happy to look at.
- Blogging with my Friends
When we started college, I started a blog with a few of my closest friends from high school. It was easier than sending a bunch of personal emails, and it let us keep up with each others’ news. Over four years later, the blog is still alive and well. Start your own group blog at http://www.blogger.com.
- Calling Home
Okay, I admit it. I called my mom every day until I got adjusted. I think it helped her adjust, too. If you’re not close to mom, you can still put in a call to your brother/aunt/grandma/best friend when you’re feeling down. Even texting, pix messaging, IMing, or a quick email can make a difference.
Hopefully these ideas help. (And if they don’t, don’t worry! I have more ideas that you’ll see later.) Just remember, though, that while it can be good to stay in touch with home, it’s important to get to know new people, too. (I posted some tips about how to meet new people a couple days ago.) If you’re having a hard time, stick with it—it gets easier!
September 20th, 2007
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