Posts filed under 'roommates'
Nothing puts a strain on your relationship with your roommate like a continuous hacking cough disrupting precious hours of sleep time. Here’s what you should do if your roommate gets sick.
What to Do for Your Roommate
Chances are your first response to a sick roommate is more focused on you than on him or her. Let’s face it—its human nature to want to make sure you don’t get sick. I’ll get to that in a minute. Now, if you want to keep having a good year with your roommate (and have an easier time when you get sick later on) try to show a little consideration:
- Ask if You Can Help. You don’t have to do their laundry or anything, but it can really help if you offer to do something little like pick up some Tylenol, drop off a homework assignment, or snag an extra sandwich when you hit the dining hall. Remember, you get what you give.
- Let Your Roomie Rest. Trust me on this—if your roommate doesn’t get all the rest he/she needs, that horrible nose-blowing at 3 a.m. is going to last a lot longer. If your sick roomie is trying to sleep, keep your headphones on, turn the TV off, and meet your friends somewhere else.
What to Do for You (or How to Keep the Sick Away)
- Make Your Requests. Okay, so you’ve been the ideal roommate—bringing sandwiches, keeping the noise down, even buying some more tissues with your own money—now you get to ask your roommate for something in return. Whatever it is that’s driving you nuts—the cough, the lack of hand-over-mouth when sneezing—now you can ask your roommate (CASUALY and KINDLY) to do something about it. Cough drops can work wonders!
- Keep an Eye on Your Hands. Your hands are probably one of the best places to pick up germs. Keep them away from your face—eyes, mouth, and nose especially—to lower your chance of letting those germs in. It’s also really important to wash your hands, with soap, often, and especially before you eat or after you touch anything you share (computer, TV remote, etc).
- Strengthen Your Immune System. There are a lot of ways to keep your immune system strong, like getting lots of rest (no all-nighters right now!) and eating healthy foods (try to cut back on junk food). A lot of people also feel that vitamin C (found in citrus fruits like oranges, or in the vitamin section at the store) can make a big difference. Also, be sure you stay hydrated (and remember that alcohol dehydrates you).
Okay… good luck!
photo: hunter of dreams by filipes
February 7th, 2008
Sometimes it’s hard to know where to draw the line between a less-than-ideal roommate situation and an honestly unbearable one. Last week I shared some tips about how to handle roommate problems, but what should you do if you’ve tried those things and it still isn’t working?
Where to Start
Before you apply for a roommate change, it’s important for you to try to make it work. Aside from giving you a sense of having honestly tried your best, this will also make the housing office (or whomever you have to talk to about a roommate change) take you more seriously if you do decide to apply for a switch.
The first step is simply to discuss what you can do to make the situation better for both of you. If you are having serious problems and can’t work them out on your own, get someone impartial—like your Resident Adviser, for example—to listen to both sides of the story. Sometimes an outside perspective can help you understand each other.
If your roommate won’t agree to talk to any kind of mediator, you should still go to your RA and explain the problem. He or she may have a suggestion about what to do once he/she has more information about your particular situation. At the very least, your RA can serve as a witness that you tried to work out your differences, and can help you change roommates after he/she has seen that you’ve given it your best effort.
When to Change Roommates
Your roommate may not be your favorite person in the world, but if you can work things out, you probably don’t need to change roommates.
However, sometimes there are extreme cases of bad roommate matches—you fight all the time, you have completely different value systems, or one of you seriously disrupts the other’s life. In even worse cases, you might have a roommate who is emotionally, mentally, or physically abusive, severely depressed, or suffering from a condition like alcoholism or anorexia that seriously affects your ability to cope with things, too.
If you find yourself in a situation like this—one that feels hopeless, dangerous, or very uncomfortable—you should probably consider applying for a roommate change.
How to Change Roommates
Every college has a different policy about how to make a roommate change. Some will make the switch for you immediately, others only make changes at the beginning/end of a quarter/semester. To find out what your school’s policy is and to apply for a change, you will probably want to contact the Residential Life or Housing office. Your Resident Adviser can help you figure out where to go to apply for a change.
Consider talking to your roommate about the decision. Approach it calmly and rationally, simply explaining that you both seem to be having trouble making the living situation work, and that maybe a change would be a good idea. In some cases, this can help diffuse the tension between you during your last few weeks of living together (because you can both see the light at the end of the tunnel!). Though it might be awkward, it could be better than having your roommate angry at you if you go behind his/her back to request a roommate change.
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Good luck with your roommate, and feel free to email me if you have questions!
Photo by Georgios Wollbrecht
November 12th, 2007
Want to know what to do if your roommate is driving you up the wall? A couple of posts ago, I wrote about how NOT to handle roommate problems. So now that you know what not to do, here are a few steps you should take:
- Get Ready to Talk it Out. Bringing up any kind of problem with your roommate can be really hard, especially if you don’t know each other very well. Unfortunately, talking is a must if you want anything to get resolved. Remember to be nice instead of accusing, and to choose your words carefully. You want to get a result, not get your roommate all angry and defensive.
- Fix the Biggest Problem First. Choose the one thing your roommate is doing that you absolutely cannot stand–start there, and be nice! Do NOT start the conversation by bringing up a list of things that drive you nuts. Your roommate will either be hurt or angry, and that will make him/her unlikely to want to work things out with you. Save the little stuff for later.
- Review the Ground Rules. If you took my advice in September, you have already set some ground rules with your roommate that both of you agreed on. (And if you haven’t, now might be a good time to do this.) If one of you isn’t following the ground rules, talk about them and see if you need to revise them.
- Consider All the Options. Most problems have multiple solutions. If one solution doesn’t work for one of you, see what other options you can come up with. The first solution may not always be the best for both of you. For example, if you can’t concentrate on studying while your roommate is on the phone, you could:
- Agree to take phone calls in the hall, common room, or some area away from your room
- Agree on “quiet hours” when the room is reserved for studying
- Study somewhere else, like in your dorm’s common area or at the library
Remember, it is crucially important to avoid being accusing. Try to make the conversation about how both of you can make the situation better–if your roommate has to abide by a rule, make sure you are clear that you will do it, too.
I’ll be posting soon about what to do if your roommate really isn’t working out. Don’t miss it!
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Good luck!
photo: converse ripple by eloch_86
November 5th, 2007
Dorm rooms (and even apartments) can be pretty close quarters, and even roommates
who start off close can wear on each other’s nerves. Sooner or later, one of you is going to get grumpy, irritated, or downright angry—and how you handle that could make or break your friendship.
I lived with my roommate, Karly* (*I changed her name here, obviously), all the way through our junior year of college. We got along pretty well for the most part, but from time to time we bugged each other. I wish I could say that everything worked out perfectly, but I didn’t exactly have the perfect roommate problem experience. Hopefully you can learn from what happened to me:
- Don’t Trash Talk Your Roommate
Karly didn’t really know how to cope when she was annoyed with me. Sometimes she would leave away messages on AIM about how I was bugging her. Other times she would have a gripe-fest about me on her blog, (which she linked to from her instant messaging profile so all our mutual friends could read it!). That was both embarrassing and hurtful. While I did my best to be a good roommate, I was always worried that I would accidentally do something that would end up on Karly’s blog for everyone to read.
- Don’t Avoid the Issue
Aside from telling other people how much I bugged her, Karly didn’t make much of an effort to fix the problem. Sometimes she sighed loudly or refused to talk to me. The one thing she never really did was mention any of this to me face to face. That made it really difficult for me to even approach the subject, because Karly was pretending there was no problem.
- Don’t be Accusing
I made every effort to be a good roommate, because I knew I had to get through a year with whomever I ended up with. Mostly Karly and I got along well—as evidenced by the fact that we lived together for 3 years—but we came from different backgrounds. The point is, your roommate probably isn’t trying to bug you, and accusations are more likely to make people defensive than to fix a problem. So be careful how you word the “can we fix this” conversation, and offer to be part of the solution. Instead of saying, “It is so obnoxious how you always have your stupid music on so loud. Would you cut it out?” you could try, “I think we both have a hard time studying with each others’ music on. Is it okay if we agree to wear headphones?”
Do you have any awkward roommate stories or tips about how you get along with your roomie? I’d love to hear them!
October 18th, 2007
Whether your new roommate is a friend from high school or a total stranger, you’ll probably find that living with someone is completely different from hanging out at night or on the weekends. Some roommates who start off well together end up not-so-friendly by the end of a year of living together, mostly because they don’t communicate well about what they want out of the living situation. If you want to keep (or start) a friendship with your roomie, it’s a good idea to get everything out on the table right from the beginning.
Setting Ground Rules
One thing that makes a big difference is talking to your roommate about “ground rules”—rules that you both agree to abide by.
It might sound like an awkward conversation, but it’s necessary for two reasons: First, you are both used to a certain lifestyle, so you will both have opinions about how your life goes (and your roommate will affect that). Second, you will want to set the rules before one of you does something that makes the other uncomfortable (or angry).
Keep in mind—this shouldn’t be an angry or accusatory conversation, just a calm discussion of what you are both okay with and what you would like to avoid.
When to Set the Rules
It’s best to set up the ground rules as early as possible, because they can act as a barrier against roommate problems.
You might even want to set rules before you even move in to your dorm room or apartment. If you don’t want to talk face-to-face, discussing rules beforehand is even better, because you can do it via IM, email, or over the phone.
What to Talk About
My roommate and I had rules about quite a few things—like giving each other advance notice if guests were going to crash on our floor. You don’t want to walk into your room and find a party raging on your last cramming night before a big final. Here are a few things you might want to talk about with your roommate:
- Overnight guests
- Guests of the opposite sex
- Cell phone use (hours, in the room or in the hall, etc.)
- Music (types, volume, headphones)
- TV use
- Study time
- Borrowing clothes & other belongings (DVDs, CDs, etc.)
- Sharing (or not sharing) food
- Bedtime
- Alarm settings (how many times can you hit snooze?)
- Locking the door
- Using each other’s things (microwave, fridge, TV, computer, stereo, etc.)
Basic rule of thumb: if there is anything you are worried about, you should bring it up now. You’re a lot more likely to get into a screaming match if your roommate has already been doing something obnoxious for weeks.
September 10th, 2007
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